Losing someone you love is one of the hardest experiences a person can go through. Whether it is a partner, parent, child, sibling, or close friend, the loss leaves a lasting mark. Grief is the natural, human response to that loss. Yet grief looks different for everyone, and at times it can become so overwhelming that everyday life grinds to a halt. This article looks at what a normal grieving process generally involves, when grief can become more complicated, and how grief therapy can offer support.
Grief is not an illness
It is worth stating clearly: grief itself is not a disorder. It is a process of learning to live with a loss that cannot be undone. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, disbelief, and a sense of emptiness can all surface, sometimes within the same day. Some people cry often, others barely at all. Some want to talk about what happened, others prefer distraction. All of these reactions can be part of a healthy grieving process.
There is no fixed timeline for grief. While some people regain a sense of footing within a few months, others need years to find their balance again. Significant dates such as birthdays, holidays, or the anniversary of the death can reignite grief even long after the loss, and that does not mean something is going wrong.
When can grief become more complicated?
For most people, although the loss never fully disappears, the intensity of the pain gradually eases and it becomes possible to find meaning and direction again. For some people, however, grief stays so intense and disruptive that, for a prolonged period, it seriously interferes with functioning at work, in relationships, or in daily life. When this persists over an extended period and continues to significantly limit someone’s life, a clinician may describe this with a preliminary DSM-5 classification, such as prolonged grief disorder, sometimes referred to as complicated grief.
Signs that may point toward complicated grief include:
- An intense, persistent yearning for the person who died that does not ease over time
- Marked difficulty accepting the reality of the death
- Avoidance of places, people, or reminders connected to the person who died
- A sense of meaninglessness or feeling that part of oneself has been lost
- Significant difficulty experiencing joy or looking ahead to the future
- Prolonged social withdrawal
It is important to stress that only a qualified clinician can make such a classification, and always cautiously and provisionally, after careful assessment.
When can professional support help?
Not everyone who is grieving needs therapy. Time, support from family and friends, peer contact with others who have experienced similar loss, or guidance from a funeral counsellor are often enough. Professional support can be meaningful, however, when grief continues to interfere with daily functioning over a long period, when avoidance or self-blame keeps someone stuck, or when communicating about the loss with others has become difficult.
At Mavera GGZ in Rotterdam, we offer grief therapy tailored to what a person needs at that particular time. Depending on the situation, this may draw on elements of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), for example to help break patterns of avoidance, or on psychodynamic therapy, which places more focus on the meaning of the loss and the attachment relationship with the person who died. In some cases, online therapy is also used, for instance when someone has limited mobility or when a lower threshold to start care is helpful.
What do grief sessions generally focus on?
The goal of grief therapy is not to remove the pain of loss, that would not be a realistic or desirable aim. Instead, sessions generally focus on:
- Putting into words and processing what the loss means
- Finding a place for the relationship with the person who died, rather than needing to “close” that chapter
- Recognising and gently working through avoidance that stands in the way of processing the loss
- Gradually rebuilding a life that holds space for both the loss and new meaning and connection
The aim is not for the loved one to be forgotten, but to find a way of continuing to live with the loss as part of one’s own life story.
Getting support at Mavera GGZ
In the Netherlands, a referral from your GP (huisarts) is required for specialist mental healthcare, including grief therapy for complicated grief. Mavera GGZ B.V. is located at Rozenlaan 115, 3051 LP Rotterdam. Our BIG-registered therapists provide care in Dutch, Turkish, English, Ukrainian, Polish, Uyghur, and Arabic, so you can share your story in the language you feel most comfortable in.
If you have questions or would like to know whether grief therapy fits your situation, please contact us on 010 – 254 38 96 or at info@maveraggz.nl.
If you are in an acute crisis, for example experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please always call 112 (in the Netherlands) or go to A&E. Mavera GGZ does not provide acute crisis care, but we are here to help you look at the right next steps once the immediate crisis has passed.
Keywords
